The Farm Report: How I Spent My Summer Vacation

The title of this post isn’t entirely accurate. Halfway through my vacation, summer ended and autumn began. Plus, I wasn’t on vacation. If anything, I was putting more hours than usual.  I just wasn’t blogging.

I wrote the first draft of Fat Head during a two-week gig as standup comedian on a cruise through Alaska. My shows were on Saturday and Wednesday nights, which means I was getting paid for a three-hour workweek. (Well, okay, more like 12 hours if you count rehearsing in my room.) I left the ship a few times to see Alaska, but I still had a ton of free time. So I got out my huge pile of source material, including transcripts of all the interviews I’d conducted, and spent 12 to 14 hours per day outlining and writing.

Ahhh, those were the days. Now I’m back to working as a contract programmer, and I commute from Franklin to Nashville three days per week. Toss in some farm work, blogging, quality time (including homework assistance) with the girls, maybe a TV show with Chareva before she goes to bed, and there’s not enough day in my day to write a book.

So I asked The Older Brother to take over the blog for awhile – a month, as it turned out, the longest stretch of my five-year blogging career. I of course read his posts and the comments. It’s fun for me to sit back and be a spectator. Anyway, by letting the blog go for awhile, I was able to squeeze some book-writing time into my schedule.

Our target audience for the book is kids, which means Chareva will end up producing a ton of cartoon characters and other artwork. We’d like to have both the book and companion DVD ready in time for the low-carb cruise in May, although that may be overly ambitious. It wouldn’t be fair to her to pound out the whole thing and then expect her to draw all the art in a month or two, so I told her I’d have a draft of the book ready by October 1st.

I’m such a wild optimist. The book is nowhere near finished, but I’ve written about a third of it, at least according to my outline. The challenge, as I told The Older Brother when I asked him to sit in the Fat Head chair awhile longer, is that I want to say everything there is to say, but keep in short and simple for kids – oh, and I want it to be fun and entertaining throughout.

So I have plenty of writing left to do, but Chareva has enough of the book in front of her to start drawing. Now I just have to stay ahead of her.

I set the blog aside for a month, but not the farm work. Yeah, I could’ve let that go for awhile and made more progress on the book, but decided that wouldn’t be a good idea. I’ve heard at least two authors say their health went downhill while writing a book telling other people how to be healthy. Too much time hunched over the computer, too many late nights, not enough physical activity, not taking time to cook properly.  I prefer to remain healthy while writing about health.

So in addition to putting in a gym workout on Wednesday mornings on my way to the office, I spent at least one day each weekend outside, working myself into the state of being I call Dog-Tired Satisfied. Chareva and the girls kept busy too. Here’s some of what we’ve been doing around the farm:

A couple of people sent me a link to an article about a cop who apparently believes anyone who plays disc golf is a pot-head. Well, I play disc golf and I’m into grass, but not that kind. We’d like our side pasture to provide good grass for sheep and perhaps a dairy cow someday, so after I bush-whacked the chest-high weeds, we spent a Saturday afternoon tossing grass seed all over the place. Chareva found a variety specifically recommended for pastured animals. Let’s hope it takes.

Seems as if every few months, we end up with a pile of broken branches, dried-up briar that I cut down, various and sundry wood scraps, etc. So we had another bonfire a few weeks ago. This one didn’t burn quite as impressively as our previous piles, but it was hot enough to do the job.

Our chickens produce way more eggs than we can eat. I have a few egg customers at the office, but we still end up over-egged. So Chareva got out her tools and built an egg stand. The guy who looks like he should be playing bass for ZZ Top is our neighbor Brian. He brought over his riding mower to pull the egg stand up to the side of the highway.

The egg stand is self-serve. Chareva puts cartons of eggs inside, and the instruction sheet asks people to put four dollars in the cash box. And by gosh, they do. She’s already sold 20 dozen or so, and nobody has walked off with free eggs. One kindly customer even left a stack of empty egg cartons on the stand with a note saying Thought you could use these. Love your eggs!

Brian towed the egg stand for us because we didn’t have a trailer hitch on either of our vehicles at the time. We do now. For some reason, Chareva no longer wants to fill the back of her van with hay, wood chips, chicken feed, logs, goats, and whatever else around here needs hauling. So she informed me that we need a trailer, then found a used one for sale about an hour south of here. We figured Brian probably didn’t want to drive his lawn mower down there to tow it home for us, so we finally had the van outfitted with a trailer hitch. Here’s the trailer:

My big project for the previous month was processing the rest of that big ol’ wood pile I started tackling last year. As you may recall if you’re a long-time reader, it started out as quite a load:

I cut up more than half of the logs last year, but a heavy rain interrupted our log-splitting weekend. We still had dozens of cut-up sections ready to be split, plus plenty of logs hadn’t yet met my chainsaw. I didn’t want the remaining wood to sit outside through another winter, so I spent long days out there attacking the pile.

I eventually got through everything my chainsaw could handle, except for three large trunks sitting on the ground. Those might just become stadium seating for any weed-smokers who drop by to watch a disc-golf match. When I was done, this is what we had to split:

So last weekend, we rented a splitter and turned big ones into little ones.

I tried to assign the girls the relatively easy job of stacking the split wood in the barn. I was overruled. Turns out Chareva is particular about how the wood is stacked, so she did most of that. The girls weren’t really into the whole stacking thing anyway. They thought it would be more fun to pull sections of logs from the pile and bring them to me to split. Well, it’s certainly good exercise. Those things aren’t exactly feather-weight.

As the pile shrank, the girls found convenient seats for work breaks.

When we’ve been outside working in the past, Chareva has mentioned that it would be nice to have a few places around the property to sit down. So I obliged with six stump chairs, a his-and-hers combo in three different locations.

Some of the stumps I cut last year had started to rot, but I was pleased to find that most of the wood was still good. We ended up running the splitter until nearly dark both days. We certainly have enough firewood to feed the fireplace and the wood-burning stove this winter.

When we’d split everything worth splitting, the girls stood on one of the remaining stumps to survey the area once covered with tree trunks and thick branches.

Then they did a little victory dance.

I wasn’t inspired to dance, but I did achieve a state of Dog-Tired Satisfied. That’s good enough for me.


If you enjoy my posts, please consider a small donation to the Fat Head Kids GoFundMe campaign.
Share

67 thoughts on “The Farm Report: How I Spent My Summer Vacation

  1. Kerstin

    r.e. the pile of brush – I believe we figured out that every time we got completely rid of the brush pile, almost the next day we had new staff for it – so now we always leave a little bit of a pile and the extra doesn’t seem to accumulate nearly as fast.

    1. Tom Naughton

      There’s a law of physics involved in there somewhere, but I can’t put my finger on it.

    2. Mary D

      My goodness, you’ve inadvertently discovered the law of the compost pile – albeit using a brush pile as a substitute vector! 🙂 I’m glad I’m not the only one this happens to!

  2. Kerstin

    r.e. the pile of brush – I believe we figured out that every time we got completely rid of the brush pile, almost the next day we had new staff for it – so now we always leave a little bit of a pile and the extra doesn’t seem to accumulate nearly as fast.

    1. Tom Naughton Post author

      There’s a law of physics involved in there somewhere, but I can’t put my finger on it.

    2. Mary D

      My goodness, you’ve inadvertently discovered the law of the compost pile – albeit using a brush pile as a substitute vector! 🙂 I’m glad I’m not the only one this happens to!

  3. Steve

    Tell us more about the egg stand. I’ll hoof it out there if I know when eggs will be present. Great service you are providing with that …

  4. Steve

    Tell us more about the egg stand. I’ll hoof it out there if I know when eggs will be present. Great service you are providing with that …

  5. James Childress

    Am I missing something, they are charging $4 a dozen or is this for a flat? I get my unpasteurized fresh eggs from the local co-ops for $2 a dozen so I though that seemed high unless they are expensive in your area.

    1. Tom Naughton

      I haven’t seen eggs from pastured chickens selling for anything less than $4 per dozen in our area.

  6. Namu

    I love those farm reports. They help us escape the daily dull routine of concrete, commute and cubicle. Thanks !

  7. James Childress

    Am I missing something, they are charging $4 a dozen or is this for a flat? I get my unpasteurized fresh eggs from the local co-ops for $2 a dozen so I though that seemed high unless they are expensive in your area.

    1. Tom Naughton Post author

      I haven’t seen eggs from pastured chickens selling for anything less than $4 per dozen in our area.

  8. Namu

    I love those farm reports. They help us escape the daily dull routine of concrete, commute and cubicle. Thanks !

  9. Onlooker

    Tom

    I’m curious how many laying chickens do you have?

    I’m contemplating doing this and am just starting to look into it (just started Google search). I suppose I should search your site.

    I live in a rural area so it’s quite doable, and I’d love to have the fresh, pastured eggs for a reasonable cost.

    1. Tom Naughton

      The Chicken Whisperer (a.k.a. Chareva) figures 30 of the hens are layers. We probably have some older hens hanging around and eating the free food without producing eggs. Unfortunately, we didn’t mark the older ones before getting the younger ones and now have no way of telling them apart.

      Chickens aren’t much trouble. If you like the eggs, I say go for it.

      1. Elle

        It’s gonna happen. I recommend a halflinger. It’s a small drafthorsey type so the good temperament is there (as opposed to ponies, which are satan) and they enjoy hauling things like chicken tractors, egg sales coops, brush, and heavy logs.

        1. Tom Naughton Post author

          No ponies! No horses! Never! (Again, in case Sara is reading the blog, which she often does.)

  10. Onlooker

    Tom

    I’m curious how many laying chickens do you have?

    I’m contemplating doing this and am just starting to look into it (just started Google search). I suppose I should search your site.

    I live in a rural area so it’s quite doable, and I’d love to have the fresh, pastured eggs for a reasonable cost.

    1. Tom Naughton Post author

      The Chicken Whisperer (a.k.a. Chareva) figures 30 of the hens are layers. We probably have some older hens hanging around and eating the free food without producing eggs. Unfortunately, we didn’t mark the older ones before getting the younger ones and now have no way of telling them apart.

      Chickens aren’t much trouble. If you like the eggs, I say go for it.

    1. Tom Naughton Post author

      Not at all what I envisioned 10 years ago, but you couldn’t drag me away from this place now.

  11. Tami

    Flip your chook upside down and lay a finger or two into the groove between the pubic bones, either side of the vent. A 2 or 3 finger gap indicates shes laying. 1 or less suggests shes not. Also a dry fluffy vent area is not laying. A moist, large vent says she is.

  12. Olivkah

    Please teach the girls how to bend and lift properly! (Like you probably do at the gym)

  13. Tami

    Flip your chook upside down and lay a finger or two into the groove between the pubic bones, either side of the vent. A 2 or 3 finger gap indicates shes laying. 1 or less suggests shes not. Also a dry fluffy vent area is not laying. A moist, large vent says she is.

  14. Jeanne

    I agree, ponies are spawn from hell. I recommend Icelandic horses. Sturdy, small, great temperment and extremely smooth gaits. Adults can ride them too.

      1. Kathy in Texas

        I’m 66 and I’ve wanted a horse since I was about Sara’s age – never have gotten over it. Good thing I don’t live nearby – I’d be pleading her case until you banned me from your property.

        Sara – DON’T GIVE UP! All he can do is keep saying “no”. 🙂

  15. Jeanne

    I agree, ponies are spawn from hell. I recommend Icelandic horses. Sturdy, small, great temperment and extremely smooth gaits. Adults can ride them too.

      1. Kathy in Texas

        I’m 66 and I’ve wanted a horse since I was about Sara’s age – never have gotten over it. Good thing I don’t live nearby – I’d be pleading her case until you banned me from your property.

        Sara – DON’T GIVE UP! All he can do is keep saying “no”. 🙂

  16. Elenor

    Hey Tom, Just need to throw this in your (or Older Brother’s) direction:

    http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/school-boards-want-out-of-michelle-obamas-lunch-rules-83-see-surge-in-waste/article/2554714

    which begins:
    “As school children continue to protest Michelle Obama’s push for healthier lunches by dumping their full trays into garbage bins, the nation’s school boards are joining in to demand that the Obama administration let them off the hook of serving the costly and tasteless meals.
    …”

    1. Tom Naughton

      Perfect government solution: costs more, doesn’t achieve the intended goal, but will nonetheless be rammed down everyone’s throat.

  17. Elenor

    Hey Tom, Just need to throw this in your (or Older Brother’s) direction:

    http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/school-boards-want-out-of-michelle-obamas-lunch-rules-83-see-surge-in-waste/article/2554714

    which begins:
    “As school children continue to protest Michelle Obama’s push for healthier lunches by dumping their full trays into garbage bins, the nation’s school boards are joining in to demand that the Obama administration let them off the hook of serving the costly and tasteless meals.
    …”

    1. Tom Naughton Post author

      Perfect government solution: costs more, doesn’t achieve the intended goal, but will nonetheless be rammed down everyone’s throat.

    1. Tom Naughton

      I believe that’s just so we know where we’ve tossed it. I hope so, anyway.

  18. lbd

    Dear Sara, I have owned ponies since I was 12 years old when my dad offered me a brand new 10-speed bike or a beat up old nag. I took the nag and have not been without horses since. I now have 3 Shetlands (the old-fashioned British kind), a Welsh pony, and an Appaloosa. Ponies are not evil if trained and loved properly. In fact, they are useful and adorable. Don’t worry, your dad will grow to love your pony and he’ll even help you feed (pay) for it. My dad did. Happy pony hunting!

  19. lbd

    Dear Sara, I have owned ponies since I was 12 years old when my dad offered me a brand new 10-speed bike or a beat up old nag. I took the nag and have not been without horses since. I now have 3 Shetlands (the old-fashioned British kind), a Welsh pony, and an Appaloosa. Ponies are not evil if trained and loved properly. In fact, they are useful and adorable. Don’t worry, your dad will grow to love your pony and he’ll even help you feed (pay) for it. My dad did. Happy pony hunting!

  20. shelley

    I enjoy all of your blog, but the farm reports are the best! Amazing the changes you have made for your family. And I’m impressed with your wife’s building abilities! She seems like a master farmer!

    1. Tom Naughton

      Her dad and younger brother can build pretty much anything they imagine. I guess it’s a family trait.

  21. shelley

    I enjoy all of your blog, but the farm reports are the best! Amazing the changes you have made for your family. And I’m impressed with your wife’s building abilities! She seems like a master farmer!

    1. Tom Naughton Post author

      Her dad and younger brother can build pretty much anything they imagine. I guess it’s a family trait.

Comments are closed.