{"id":1086,"date":"2009-11-12T21:47:03","date_gmt":"2009-11-13T03:47:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/?p=1086"},"modified":"2009-11-12T21:50:44","modified_gmt":"2009-11-13T03:50:44","slug":"low-carb-moody-blues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/index.php\/2009\/11\/12\/low-carb-moody-blues\/","title":{"rendered":"Low-Carb Moody Blues?"},"content":{"rendered":"

RIIIIINNNGG!\u00a0 RIIIIINNNGG!<\/em>\u00a0<\/p>\n

“Hello, Livin’ La Vida Lo-”<\/p>\n

“Jimmy, it’s Tom Naughton.”<\/p>\n

“Oh.\u00a0 Hi.”<\/p>\n

“Hi.”<\/p>\n

“I already said that.\u00a0 Hi.\u00a0 Anything else?”<\/p>\n

“Geez … no offense, Jimmy, but that’s not much of a greeting.\u00a0 I kind of thought you’d be happy to hear from me.\u00a0 We haven’t spoken since–”<\/p>\n

“Oh, zip it.”<\/p>\n

“What?\u00a0 Did you just tell me to zip it?”<\/p>\n

“No.\u00a0 Well, sort of.\u00a0 Sorry, Tom.\u00a0 I’ve been in such a bad mood lately.”<\/p>\n

“Really?\u00a0 How long?”<\/p>\n

“I’d say about four years.\u00a0 Pretty much starting around the time I lost all that weight.”<\/p>\n

“Wow.\u00a0 Me too … ever since I went on that low-carb diet Dr. Eades talked me into trying.\u00a0 I lost weight, my cholesterol dropped, my HDL went up, my blood sugar normalized, and my arthritis went away.”<\/p>\n

“It’s depressing, isn’t it?”<\/p>\n

“Sure is.\u00a0 That’s actually why I was calling.\u00a0 I just read an article on the MSN web site<\/a> that says low-carb diets are bad for your mood.\u00a0 The headline even said bread equals happy.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, I was just reading that one myself, and– wait a second.\u00a0 How did you do that?”<\/p>\n

“Do what?”<\/p>\n

“How did you insert a link into spoken dialog like that?”<\/p>\n

“I don’t think I did.”<\/p>\n

“Yes, you did.\u00a0 You just said ‘an article on the MSN web site<\/a>,’ and it had a link in it.”<\/p>\n

“You just did the same thing, smart guy.\u00a0 Read the previous line.\u00a0 It’s right there.”<\/p>\n

“No, I was quoting you … that was you who just–”<\/p>\n

“This sounds like case of people who live in glass houses, if you ask me.”<\/p>\n

“Oh, shut up, Tom!”<\/p>\n

“You shut up, Jimmy!”<\/p>\n

“No, you<\/em>— oh, sorry.\u00a0 There I go again. Sorry. I’ve just been in such a bad mood.”<\/p>\n

“No, I’m sorry.\u00a0 Bad mood.\u00a0 By the way, you probably saw they mentioned Livin’ La Vida in the article.\u00a0 I bet that made you happy.”<\/p>\n

“Nope.\u00a0 Nothing makes me happy.\u00a0 Not since I lost all that weight.”<\/p>\n

“I understand.\u00a0 Anyway, since you read the article, I thought maybe we could discuss it.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t want to talk about it.”<\/p>\n

“Why not?”<\/p>\n

“Because I’m in a bad mood.”<\/p>\n

“Yeah, me too.\u00a0 But I’ve got to say, I’m pretty surprised in your case, Jimmy.\u00a0 You always sound so cheerful in those podcasts of yours.”<\/p>\n

“Pure fakery.\u00a0 Soon as I’m done recording one of them, I crawl in bed and listen to Tammy Wynette songs.\u00a0 Sometimes I even sit around and watch reruns of Dr. Phil.”<\/p>\n

“Wow.\u00a0 That is bad.”<\/p>\n

“Well, who are you to talk?\u00a0 You made a comedy film, for pete’s sake!\u00a0 I thought you were a happy guy.”<\/p>\n

“I ought to be.\u00a0 I live in a beautiful little town, and I have a lovely wife and two adorable girls.\u00a0 But here I am, always in a bad mood.\u00a0 Probably not enough serotonin.\u00a0 The authors of the study say a high-carb diet produces serotonin.”<\/p>\n

“So does cocaine!\u00a0 So does beer!\u00a0 That doesn’t mean they’re good for you.”<\/p>\n

“Well, maybe we should both get off this low-carb kick.\u00a0 We might be happier.”<\/p>\n

“Are you kidding me?\u00a0 You really want to risk gaining weight and developing diabetes, or heart disease, or arthritis, or cancer, or some autoimmune disease?”<\/p>\n

“Sure, I’d probably be sick.\u00a0 But I’d be in a good mood about it.\u00a0 Plus I could finally get over the social eating impairment.”<\/p>\n

“Social eating impairment?”<\/p>\n

“The authors of the study think maybe we’re depressed because we can’t eat bread and pasta in social situations.”<\/p>\n

“I hadn’t thought of that.”<\/p>\n

“That’s because you have cognitive impairment from not getting enough glucose to your brain.”<\/p>\n

“That’s not true!\u00a0 The body makes all the glucose it needs from dietary protein.\u00a0 It’s called gluconeogenesis!”<\/p>\n

“I’m familiar with the term, Mister Big Words!”<\/p>\n

“Shut up, Tom!”<\/p>\n

“You shut up, Jimmy!”<\/p>\n

“No, you<\/em> …. Arrrgggh<\/em>!\u00a0 Sorry.\u00a0 I’ve been in such a–”<\/p>\n

“I know,\u00a0 I know.\u00a0 Me too.\u00a0 But you know, the social impairment thing makes sense.\u00a0 After my theater group was done performing last Saturday night, we had a cast party at the director’s house, and she served lasagna.\u00a0 I didn’t eat any.”<\/p>\n

“And I bet she felt insulted.”<\/p>\n

“Yup.\u00a0 She pointed me out to the entire cast and said I’d never work in this town again.”<\/p>\n

“That’s awful.”<\/p>\n

“I’m kidding.\u00a0 She didn’t even notice.\u00a0 It was a buffet.”<\/p>\n

“That’s not funny, Tom.”<\/p>\n

“Just trying to make a joke, Jimmy.\u00a0 Lighten things up a little.”<\/p>\n

“It was a stupid joke.”<\/p>\n

“Don’t tell me what is or isn’t a stupid joke!\u00a0 I’m a comedian<\/em>, dangit!”<\/p>\n

“Well, excuuuuuuse<\/em> me, Mister Funny Man!”<\/p>\n

“Shut up, Jimmy!”<\/p>\n

“You shut up, Tom!”<\/p>\n

“No, you<\/em> … ahhhh, there we go again.\u00a0 Sorry.”<\/p>\n

“No, I’m sorry.\u00a0 It was an okay joke.\u00a0 I just don’t feel like laughing.\u00a0 I’m in a bad mood.”<\/p>\n

“Me too.\u00a0 Anyway, I gotta ask:\u00a0 when you go out to eat, do you feel socially impaired?”<\/p>\n

“All the time.\u00a0 You know how it is.\u00a0 You take your wife to a nice restaurant, the waitress is all perky and nice while you order your steak, then when you say, ‘No, thanks, I don’t want the potato or the rice pilaf,’ she goes all icy on you.\u00a0 Next thing you know, other people on the restaurant staff are pointing at you and whispering.”<\/p>\n

“And you’re sure it’s not the way you’re dressed?”<\/p>\n

“No, I– what kind of a crack is that?!”<\/p>\n

“Sorry, Jimmy.\u00a0 When I get depressed I start projecting my negative feelings about myself onto other people.\u00a0 I’m the one who’s been wearing the same golf shirt for three days.\u00a0 Trust me.”<\/p>\n

“You know, this conversation isn’t going very well.\u00a0 You think maybe we should talk later?”<\/p>\n

“Good idea.\u00a0 Let me go whip up a big plate of pasta and I’ll call you back in half an hour.”<\/p>\n

“Make it an hour.\u00a0 I should probably bake a couple of potatoes.”<\/p>\n

“Right.\u00a0 Plus that’ll give you time to drink a couple dozen Cokes.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t do that anymore!”<\/p>\n

“Well, maybe you should!\u00a0 You might be nicer on the phone!”<\/p>\n

“Shut up, Tom!”<\/p>\n

“You shut up, Jimmy!”<\/p>\n

CLICK.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

RIIIIINNNGG!\u00a0 RIIIIINNNGG!\u00a0 “Hello, Livin’ La Vida Lo-” “Jimmy, it’s Tom Naughton.” “Oh.\u00a0 Hi.” “Hi.” “I already said that.\u00a0 Hi.\u00a0 Anything else?” “Geez … no offense, Jimmy, but that’s not much… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1086","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-media-misinformation"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1086","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1086"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1086\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1094,"href":"https:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1086\/revisions\/1094"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1086"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1086"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fathead-movie.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1086"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}