Criminals and Fat People, Traits and Behaviors

Eating sugar will turn you into a criminal, and restricting carbs will make you fat.  Those are the conclusions drawn from a couple of recent studies, at least as they were reported in the media. 

Dangit, now what am I supposed to do … eat sugar and end up robbing a bank, or avoid the stuff and end up becoming an obese but law-abiding citizen?  I suppose I could spend a lot of time lifting weights in the prison yard and get really buffed up …

Naturally, both of these studies are of the observational variety, which means they found correlations … and that’s it.  As I’ve said before, there’s a strong correlation between gray hair and heart attacks, but nobody believes gray hair causes heart attacks.  A statistical link doesn’t prove cause and effect.  Unfortunately, too many reporters (and far too many researchers) can’t seem to grasp that concept.

Observational studies are iffy for a very simple reason:  people are different.  We’re all walking bundles of interrelated traits, many of which are largely genetic:  intelligence, affability, athleticism, laziness, discipline, focus, a sense of humor, likes and dislikes, a predisposition to be fat or thin, etc.  Those traits exert a powerful influence on our choices and behaviors … but people interpreting or reporting on observational studies often get the equation backwards.

In the first study, reported in Time Magazine, British researchers found a strong correlation between eating sugary treats during childhood and becoming a criminal later in life.  Here is the opening paragraph from the Time story:

What parent hasn’t used candy to pacify a cranky child or head off a brewing tantrum? When reasoning, threats and time-outs fail, a sugary treat often does the trick. But while that chocolate-covered balm may be highly effective in the short term, say British scientists, it may be setting youngsters up for problem behavior later. According to a new study, kids who eat too many treats at a young age risk becoming violent in adulthood.

So what exactly prompted the writer to conclude that sugary treats lead to violent behavior years later?  It was this finding:

Moore plumbed the data for information on kids’ diet and their later behavior: at age 10, the children were asked how much candy they consumed, and at age 34, they were questioned about whether they had been convicted of a crime. Moore’s analysis suggests a correlation: 69% of people who had been convicted of a violent act by age 34 reported eating candy almost every day as youngsters; 42% of people who had not been arrested for violent behavior reported the same.

Well, that’s it then … sugar must screw up your brain and make you decide it’s okay to mug people. Or perhaps — and this is the more likely explanation — we’re just witnessing the natural relationship between traits and behaviors.  In other words, the kind of parents who end up raising criminals are also more likely to let their kids eat candy bars for breakfast. 

Maybe we should talk to some teenage criminals and find out how many of their mothers spend a lot of time worrying about nutrition.  I doubt many of them leave the house in the morning hearing “Johnny, if you rob a Walgreen’s this week, would you mind picking up some whey protein powder and a bottle of CoQ10?  Oh, and your father likes magnesium supplements, so pick up some of those in case he ever shows up again.”

The same principle applies to positive behaviors and traits as well.  For years, we were told that parents could raise more intelligent children by reading to them, limiting their TV time, and keeping a lot of books in the house.  Those are, after all, common behaviors among the parents of intelligent kids.  So read to little Johnny, and he’ll do well in school.

But as it turns out, the theory doesn’t hold up to actual research.  Intelligent people who enjoy words and language and learning tend to read a lot of books.  (You should see the size of Mike Eades’ library.)  They’re also likely to produce intelligent kids who enjoy words and language and end up learning more easily in school.  The kids inherited a trait — verbal intelligence — that tends to be exhibited as a related behavior — reading. 

Thankfully, the lead researcher in the British study did seem to understand the concept (not that you’d know from the headline and lead paragraph of the article):

One of those questions is whether sweets themselves contain compounds that promote antisocial and aggressive behavior, or whether the excessive eating of sweets represents a lack of discipline in childhood that translates to poor impulse control in adulthood. Moore is leaning toward the latter… It’s also possible that children who are poorly behaved from the start tend to get more candy.

Bingo.

The second article, warning us that restricting carbs could make us fat, definitely gets the relationship between traits and behaviors backwards.  Here are some choice quotes:

Low-carb eaters could be setting themselves up for obesity, suggests a new study from this month’s issue of the Journal of the American Dietetic Association. Researchers analyzed data collected from the Canadian Community Health Survey, which collected health data from a sample of over 35,000 Canadians. They narrowed the sample down to 4,451 people who had submitted information on their diets, including how much and what type of food they’d eaten on the day of the assessment. They found that people with higher intakes of carbohydrates ate fewer calories but more protein, fat, and fiber than low-carb eaters consumed.

Okay, wait a second … I’m writing late at night, after a play rehearsal, so maybe I’m missing something here, but please re-read that last sentence and answer this question for me:  how can the people who eat more carbohydrates also consume more fat, more protein, and more fiber, but still end up consuming fewer calories?  Did Monsanto create a new macronutrient I don’t know about?  Anyway …

In fact, the incidence of overweight and obesity in the lowest-carb-intake group was 65 percent, while it was just 51 percent in the highest-carb group, and the risk for becoming overweight or obese was 40 percent lower in the highest-carb-intake groups.

This makes about as much sense as the observation that fat people are more likely to drink diet sodas, so diet sodas must make you fat.  If you recruit a large group of people and tease out the data on those who restrict their carbs, you’re most likely looking at the dieters in the group.  You’d probably also tease out dieters if you looked at who counts fat grams.

Now … what kind of people go on diets?  Fat people, that’s who — those of us who tend to gain weight easily.  Once again, the trait  — predisposed to gain weight — produces the behavior — dieting.  I restrict my carbohydrates, but I’m fatter than my son, who lives on them.  He doesn’t watch his carbohydrates because he doesn’t have to.  It’s a case of selection bias, not cause and effect.

Selection bias is also the reason that vegetarians tend to be leaner than the population as a whole.  Yes, I’ve known some skinny vegetarians.  And pretty much every one of them has been skinny since birth.  They give up meat, they don’t gain weight, so they stick with it.  They’re a self-selected group.

But I also know plenty of people — myself included — who tried a vegetarian diet and gained weight.  So we became ex-vegetarians and selected ourselves out of the group.  Once again, a trait — gains weight easily — produced a behavior — gave up the vegetarian diet.  In other words, we’re not fat because we avoid sugar and starch; we avoid sugar and starch because we’re fat.

And also, of course, because we don’t want to become criminals.

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Real Food From the Well Done Chef: Lemon Rosemary Chicken

This is another in a series of recipes by Jason Sandeman, the Well Done Chef. Enjoy.

There is a KFC in my neighborhood that always has a line up to the block. I have even frequented the joint a few times myself. Nothing tastes better than the secret 11 herbs and spices, and let me tell you, that’s the way they like it.

Let’s put that aside for now.  To feed your family, it costs a hefty $35-45$, and you also get all the “extras” that come with your “meal.” You know, the pureed cabbage and onion coleslaw is a real treat too!

The above picture is what I bought with a small trek to a grocery store and a farmer’s kiosk. The total cost was $18.00 CDN. The largest cost came from the chicken, which is free range. (That means it will actually taste like chicken when you eat it.)

All PETA protests aside, you need to ask yourself what is going into your chicken. There are rumors about four-winged chickens at the Colonel’s hut. You have no control over what they serve you, except to opt out. 

There has been a lot of speculation on what goes into that famous recipe. If you ask an employee, they will tell you everything comes in a mix and a powder. I had a friend who worked at the Colonel’s who can vouch for that.

The following recipe will take a bit of time. It is not something you can just whip up when you get home. You might want to save it for a day when you are all relaxed. (If that even happens now.) I find Sunday is great.

In my neighborhood, the wait at KFC can sometimes be an hour. This dish will take slightly longer, and save your hard earned dollars. Who wants to work extra so you can fill the Colonel’s pockets?

You might miss the interaction with the pimply faced teenager who takes your order with a bored look on his face. If that is the case, invite him over for dinner. You might even make a revolution for his taste buds, and that is always a good thing.

Make sure you have your family near the kitchen when this comes out, so you look like a hero. Their mouths will be watering when the chicken comes out of the oven.  They will probably not even want to wait for the chicken to rest. Slap their hands away and make them wait!

So, let’s start on a picture adventure, and the recipe will follow.

Here we combine the juice and zest of 2 lemons, 2 sprigs of rosemary, 2 cloves of garlic minced, and a 1/4 cup of extra-virgin olive oil. This is the base of the juicy goodness for the outside of the chicken.

 

Stuff the chicken with the leftover lemon halves, and a couple of carrots. Tie the chicken up nicely. We put the lemon and carrots inside for two reasons: 1) The inside of the chicken will baste in their goodness, and 2) the liquid that escapes will flavor the broth. This will be important later on.

Place the chicken in your roasting pan with the breasts facing up. Don’t worry about the empty space around the bird; we will be filling that later.

This is a lovely acorn squash. It is in season right now, and it looks like it will be nice to eat with this chicken. Don’t let this vegetable intimidate you, though. Cut it in half, and scoop out the seeds.

Cut the squash into wedges. I do this so that we keep the nice shape that nature intended for us. Leave the peel on; all the goodness is there.

Here is an action shot! Place your cut new potatoes, acorn squash, chopped onions, carrots and a cup of water into the pan with the chicken. Place it into a 400°F oven in the middle rack. You will have to cook it for an hour to and hour and a half. Make sure you maintain the water level in the roasting pan by adding water as necessary.

People always ask me, “How long to cook the bird?” My answer is always until it is done. You want the bird to reach 180°F before you take it out of the oven. Here we still have a way to go.

Once your masterpiece has reached the right temperature, pull it out of the roasting pan, place it on your cutting board and cover it with foil. You want to leave it about 15 minutes so the chicken can relax, and the juices can redistribute throughout the chicken. That way it won’t taste like your Aunt’s chicken. (You know, where you all have to pretend the chicken is really nice, although it tastes like sawdust.)

Here is the final plate. I cut up the chicken, and served it with the roasted vegetables from the pan. The little cup holds the broth for dipping with the chicken. If you want, you could slightly thicken the broth, but I feel it is better to leave it in its natural state. Sure beats the Colonel’s pasty gravy!

That’s the recipe in pictures; here is the recipe for you left-brained folk:

Lemon Rosemary Chicken
Servings: 4

  • 1 chicken, whole (about 1.5 kg, or 3 lbs)
  • 2 lemons, zest and juice
  • 2 sprigs rosemary
  • 60 mL (1/4 cup) extra-virgin olive oil
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • to taste kosher salt
  • to taste black pepper freshly ground
  • 1 medium onion, peeled and chopped
  • 3 medium carrots, peeled and sliced thickly
  • 1 acorn squash, seeded and cut into wedges
  • 10 baby new potatoes, scrubbed 
  1. Combine lemon zest, juice, rosemary, salt, pepper, and olive oil together in a large bowl.
  2. Stuff chicken with lemon halves,  carrots, onions, rosemary sprigs.
    Truss chicken and coat with lemon rosemary mixture.
  3. Place chicken in a roasting pan, with the breasts facing upward.
    Toss vegetables in remaining mixture; place around chicken in roasting pan.
  4. Add 250 mL (1 cup) water to the roasting pan, place into 375°F oven.
    Roast for at least 1 hour, replacing water as necessary to maintain a constant level of broth.
  5. When chicken is done (a thermometer would read 180°F) pull the chicken out of the oven and place on cutting board.
  6. Cover with aluminum foil and allow the chicken to rest for 15 minutes. (This will relax the chicken, allowing the juices to redistribute, and make sure the chicken is tender when you serve it.)
  7. Carve up the chicken and serve.
  8. The broth can be thickened slightly if you like, or it can be served as is.
  9. The carcass can be used for chicken stock — recipe here.
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Update: 6-Week Cure, Week One

      12 Comments on Update: 6-Week Cure, Week One

I just got back from the gym.  Last Tuesday I weighed 205, 41 inches around the belly-button/love handles area.  Today (Monday) I was at 202, 40.5 inches. 

Those love handles are stubborn.  I once starved myself down to 165 and still had them, but I was losing muscle.  Not a good combination.

I can pretty much guarantee I’m not losing any muscle mass now and may have increased it a bit, because I was able to lift more weight or do more reps on every machine today compared to my workout on Friday.  Maybe there’s a reason body-builders consume whey protein powders.  I might continue having a protein shake on workout days when I’m done with The Cure.

Tomorrow, I’m going to post another recipe by Jason Sandeman, the Well Done Chef.

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Weekend Bonus: Jimmy Moore Is Real

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Jimmy Moore and his wife Christine attended a wedding in Nashville this weekend and spent Friday and Saturday nights at our house in Franklin.  It was hard to believe it’s the first time I’ve met Jimmy in person.  For nearly two years now, I’ve listened to his podcasts and read his blog.  We’ve spoken on the phone, exchanged a lot of emails, and made a few connections for each other.  He, of course, has also seen Fat Head, interviewed me for a podcast, and reads my blog.

Consequently, it felt more like a meeting of old friends than a first get-together.  Jimmy and Christine are both intelligent, affable people, and we enjoyed their company very much.  The only downside is that I’m reasonably sure Jimmy drove home this morning with a few bruises, courtesy of my daughters jumping on him.

In an earlier post, I promised my readers I’d check Jimmy’s pulse to make sure he’s real.  After all, this is a guy with a family history of heart disease who lives on a very high-fat diet and refuses to take statins for his high cholesterol, but recently scored a zero on a calcium test.  According to those who worship at the altar of the Lipid Hypothesis, he’s not supposed to exist.  Or as his doctor put it when reading the results, “That’s not possible.”

It is possible.  My careful lab tests, conducted in our kitchen, provide conclusive evidence that Jimmy is human and doing quite well, thank you.

The Wedding Crashers?

The Wedding Crashers?

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Taking the 6-Week Cure … Almost

      59 Comments on Taking the 6-Week Cure … Almost

A couple of weeks ago, I received my copy of the latest book by Drs. Mike and Mary Dan Eades, The 6-Week Cure for the Middle Aged Middle.  I finally got around to finishing it this week and started following the program a couple of days ago. 

Well, to be honest, I’m almost following the program.  More on that later.

In a nutshell, the book explains, in biochemical terms, why we tend to develop a big belly as we reach middle age and then spells out a program for shrinking it:  For two weeks, you consume three specially-formulated protein shakes per day, plus one low-carb meal.  No alcohol, no caffeine.  For the next two weeks, you live almost exclusively on fatty meats, eggs and fish, plus small servings of non-starchy vegetables.  Dairy is out.  In the final two weeks, you can lighten up a bit on the restrictions, but it’s still a low-carb diet.

I saw a review of the book online that gives a nice summary, but then of course the writer had to run out and get comments from a few priests from The Holy Church of Accepted Advice For Living a Long and Healthy Life.  Here are a few quotes:

Judith Stern, Sc. D., a nutrition professor at UC Davis and founder of the American Obesity Association …strongly discourages any plan that restricts fruits and vegetables. “Limiting any one food group is a bad idea. You can’t get all you need from a diet like this.”

So limiting any one food group is a bad idea, eh?  I guess that explains why all the nutritionists are forever beating up on Dean Ornish for restricting fat intake to nearly zero – not to mention all the goofs who tell us we can get fit and healthy by eliminating all animal foods.  And where does Judith Stern think my paleolithic Irish ancestors found fruits and vegetables in the winter?  I’m pretty sure they managed to get by for months at a time without them, or I wouldn’t be here. 

Most experts agree that a diet high in saturated fat and protein can be harmful for individuals at risk for heart disease.

Yup, most experts agree on that.  Only trouble is, they’ve failed over and over to prove it, despite spending many years and million of dollars trying.

Dr. Neeraj advises patients with fatty liver disease to lose weight by decreasing their fat intake and increasing exercise. He encourages patients to consume a diet rich in complex carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables.

Oh, for cryin’ out loud … Drs. Eades and Eades cite evidence in their book that saturated fat actually protects your liver.  If you want to give an animal a fatty liver, you feed it corn or fructose, not bacon and eggs.  Was fatty liver disease common a hundred years ago, when Americans ate a lot more butter and lard?  No, it wasn’t.  But it’s very common now that we live on starch, vegetable oils and high fructose corn syrup.

In some comments I read on blog reviews, a few long-time fans of the Protein Power books complained that much of the material was familiar.  Well, that’s true to an extent, but what did they expect?  If you’re interested in nutrition and have read the previous books by Eades & Eades, as well as Taubes, Sears, Fallon, Carlson, etc., then of course you already know that natural fats are good for you and that carbohydrates spike your blood sugar, raise your insulin and promote fat storage. 

Those concepts are covered in this book as well — and good thing, too. Most people still believe saturated fat clogs your arteries and don’t know diddly about what actually promotes fat storage.  It’s been eight years since The Protein Power Lifeplan was published, so perhaps this book will find a whole new audience.  Let’s hope.

And there is some new information in the book as well, including a detailed explanation of the differences between subcutaneous fat — the kind you can pinch up around your waist — and visceral fat — the stuff that accumulates in and around the organs inside your abdominal wall.  Visceral fat is more metabolically active, and not in a good way.  It promotes inflammation and heart disease, for starters.

It’s the visceral fat that the 6-Week Cure program is designed to flush out.  I’m middle-aged and certainly have a bit of middle-aged middle in spite of being healthy overall, so after reading the book, I decided I may as well give the program a try.  But like I said, I’m not following the book’s instructions religiously. 

For one, I didn’t measure my girth in various standing and lying-down positions to determine how much of my fat is subcutaneous and how much is visceral.  There’s a simple reason for this:  I don’t care.  I’ll probably lose some visceral fat, and I’ll probably lose some subcutaneous fat, too.  Measuring the proportions isn’t going to change the results.

I did weigh myself at the gym so I’d have a reference point, but even that measurement is relative.  I lift weights twice per week now, and as a result, I’ve been slowly getting heavier without getting any fatter.  I finished my Fat Head diet at 194.  After the saturated-fat pig-out I described at the end of the film, I was at 192. 

Then I started lifting weights once per week using Fred Hahn’s slow-burn method and crept up to 208 over the next several months — a lot of the increase was in my legs, which got noticeably thicker.  Then I tightened up on the carbs and went down to 200.  Then I decided to lift weights twice per week and went up to 205, which is where I was on Tuesday.  It’s not about weight for me; it’s about health and body composition.

For that reason, I also measured my belly around the fattest part, including the belly button and love handles.  If I reduce that from the 41 inches it was on Tuesday, I’ll be happy … no matter what the scale says.

In addition to skipping some of the pre-diet measurements, I’ve also had to skip a couple of ingredients in my protein shakes.  I couldn’t find DAG oil anywhere, and I don’t want to order it online.   I also couldn’t find leucine tablets or powder, although leucine is listed as an ingredient for the whey protein mix I use in my shakes.  It just doesn’t say how much.  So I’m almost but not exactly drinking the protein shakes specified for weeks one and two.

And now for my biggest almost:  the book instructs you to give up alcohol and caffeine for the first two weeks to help flush out your liver.  I have no problem putting away the bottle of wine for a couple of weeks.  But I will not, under any circumstances (short of a court order enforced by an armed guard), give up my morning coffee.  I’ve tried before.  It isn’t pretty.

Yes, I know it’s an addiction.  I openly admit to being a caffeine freak. And trust me, it’s embarrassing to have the Red Cross call and say, “Mr. Naughton, we appreciate your generosity in giving blood, but the thing is, surgeons don’t appreciate it when their patients snap awake during a triple bypass.”

I’ll cut down on the coffee, but I won’t give it up, which means my weight-loss may be inhibited a bit.  So be it.  I just moved to a peaceful little town in Tennessee, and I don’t want to end up on the local news in a scene like this:

“Captain, captain!  A moment, please … what can you tell us about the gunman?”

“We know he’s inside the building, somewhere there behind the counter, and he’s taken two employees and an espresso machine hostage.”

“Can you give us a description?”

“White male, around 50, balding, but with an attractively lean middle.”

“So we’re talking about someone with a non-toxic liver.”

“That’s right, because when your liver accumulates fat inside, it — hang on, looks like we got the perp on the phone.  Yes, this is Captain Farley, is everyone okay in there?  Does anyone need any food, or … huh?  What the heck is a Power-Up Shake?”

So I’ll follow my almost version of the program and report back later.  I hope the results are almost good.

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More Comments About Comments

      1 Comment on More Comments About Comments

This is going to be a busy week.  I’ve got a programming project to finish, plus three nights of play rehearsals — and we’re supposed to be getting “off-book,” meaning no more holding the script in your hands.  Since I’m no longer working with awful little theater groups in Hollywood, the actors are actually memorizing the play, as opposed to tossing out phrases that sort of capture the gist of the original dialog. 

In retrospect, I realize Hollywood is a bit like American Idol:  Yes, it attracts some of the best actors in the world, but it also attracts some of the worst, drawn by dreams of stardom.  It’s a pleasure to be working with actors who perform in plays simply because they enjoy theater, not because they hope they’ll be discovered by an agent.  That’s how it was in Chicago.

But I digress.  Since I didn’t want to spend a day researching and writing a full post, I thought I’d share more priceless comments that have been left on the blog by auto-spammers … the ones that are in English, anyway.  At least 90 percent of the spam comments I receive are in Russian. 

Someone suggested that I try the askimet plug-in for WordPress to fitler out the spam, and it works pretty well, although I occasionally find a genuine comment in the spam folder.  If you’ve left a comment recently that never showed up, that’s what happened.

Here are more recent comments, in all their misspelled glory.  The comments are in italics; my replies aren’t.

(Health Prevention) punctilious post. due one decimal where I quarrel with it. I am emailing you in detail.

I’ve identified the misplaced decimal that ignited our quarrel.  I said a Big Gulp is 44.0 ounces.  They, are in fact, up to 440 ounces these days, but the Corn Refiners Association has assured me a 440-ounce soda is still a healthy drink because it’s sweetened with corn.

(No-Bologna Facts) If you are in any job fields which need a lot of interaction with people, a degree in psychology definitely can help you to achieve your goal.

Perhaps I should get a degree in psychology.  It might help me understand how scientists can witness lipid profiles improve on a high-fat, ketogenic diet and then conclude that a fatty diet will kill you.  Something to do with traumatic toilet training, perhaps?

(Jimmy Moore Interview With Dr. Malcolm Kendrick)  I’m a lawyer.

I’m sure it took a lot of courage to admit that.  All I can suggest is going to confession … better book the priest for a couple of days.

(Jimmy Moore Interview With Dr. Malcolm Kendrick)  Speak slower, louder, quieter!

I hate to break this to you after you’ve wasted so many hours holding your ear up to the monitor, but my posts don’t actually talk.  If you’re hearing voices while viewing this site, you should stop consuming processed vegetable oils, then get in touch with the guy selling degrees is psychology. 

(Jimmy Moore Interview With Dr. Malcolm Kendrick)  I feel very sorry!

That’s a good start.  Say three Hail Marys, four Our Fathers, then close your law practice and seek a more socially useful career … like, say, as a Wal-Mart greeter.

(Fried food Is Tasteless)  Your topic Winky Blinky Lights Off The Broiler was interesting when I found it on Sunday searching for low carb vegetarian diet.

You may have missed it, but I wrote a retraction to that post.  While Winky Blinky Lights are indeed free of animal products, I got an earful from some professional chefs, who informed me Winky Blinky Lights should never be broiled.  The preferred cooking method is baking in a convection oven.

(The Alzheimer’s Project) How in the world did I miss that?

You’ve watched it every day for the past two months, Dad.  Get off mom’s computer now.

(Jimmy Moore’s Blogiversary) I must say, I could not agree with you in 100%.

You’re not alone in your partial agreement.  Some of my readers believe Jimmy Moore is a real person, others believe somebody had a blogiversary, but few of them believe Jimmy Moore is a real person and also had a blogiversary.

(Parting Comments About Comments) Hi all, I have published some informatons focused on alberghi bologna. The ideas are similar to yours but there are some more images.

If you can stuff more bologna in your mouth than I did, I’d like to see those images.

(Health Prevention) Apologize for my bad english, I over its a gracious drama of your writing. Kind-heartedly I be suffering with faced alot of difficulties in this term but your article will definately eschew me in future.

I warned that article over and over not to eschew people, but it’s got some kind of anti-immigrant phobia.  I’ve tried reminding it that it’s directly descended from Gutenberg’s press and would’ve been written in German if not for immigration, but to no avail.

(Bonus footage: Sugar and Starch)  Congratulations, you have just visited a brilliant idea!

I saw that same sign as I was leaving the capitol building in Washington D.C.  Between you and me, I’m not sure it was such a good idea after all.

(Bonus Footage: Frankenstein Fats)  It sounds like you’re creating problems yourself by trying to solve this issue instead of looking at why their is a problem in the first place.

I believe you have me confused with someone from the Center For Science in the Public Interest.

(Bonus Footage:  Frankenstein Fats) Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my site something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?

Lots of bloggers wanted to write about my bonus interview footage on frankentstein fats, but just didn’t get around to it.  I finally decided somebody should.

(Interview on Examiner.com)  Looking for drunk lesbians?

I admit, when I was young and stupid, I believed women found me more attractive if they were drunk.  Turns out I had the whole equation backwards.  But in either case, a woman would have to drink a heck of a lot to mistake me for another woman.

(It’s the Carbs, Not the Calories) my God, i thought you were going to chip in with some decisive insght at the end there, not leave it with ‘we leave it to you to decide’.

That’s been a problem for me ever since I started this blog:  I’m hesitant to express my opinions.  I’ll work on it.

(Parting Comments about Comments) You made some good points there.  I did a search on the topic and found most people will agree.

Several national polls concluded that most people agree with my comments about comments.  The exception was working mothers with children in preschool, who believe I should focus more on the economy.

(Cheaper Health Care)  How do you spell your surname? 

I use letters these days.  I gave up using symbols after some embarrassing profiling incidents involving airport security.

(Parting Comments about Comments) my God, i thought you were going to chip in with some decisive insght at the end there, not leave it with ‘we leave it to you to decide’.

I know, I know … I really wanted to take a firm stand on this one, but chickened out because I was worried I’d lose even more of the working-mothers-with-preschoolers demographic.

(Exercise Bologna) Your topic MARYLAND BASKETBALL was interesting when I found it on Thursday searching for college basketball shorts. 

I admit, even though I have no interest in either Maryland or basketball, there’s just something about Maryland basketball that inspires me to write about it.  By the way, your basketball shorts are in the top drawer of your dresser, behind your black socks.  I asked your mom.

(Hating Fat People Is Bologna)  Stuffing something in your mouth and trying to get a good night’s sleep just doesnt make sense.

That explains why my thumb-sucking four-year-old keeps waking up every 12 hours or so.

(Interview on Examiner.com)  We have horse porn online.

My horse rarely uses his computer.  And when he does, I usually catch him looking at pictures of peeled carrots.

(Bonus Footage:  Diets and Hunger)  I have a two-pack, trying to make it to six.

I you can turn two beers into six, you’ll make a lot of friends and perhaps even found a new religion.  I always had the opposite problem:  I turned six-packs into two-packs. 

(Margarine and Mother Nature) Are you serfing for lesbians?

Sadly, I’ve come to accept that lesbians aren’t interested in me, no matter how long I toil on their lands.  But after three Long Island Iced Teas, one of them suggested I’m not completely revolting.

(Mini-post: Interview on Examiner.com)  To be useful, aerobic exercise requires maintaining normal good sleep hygiene.

I’ll start showering before bed and see if it helps.

(Jimmy Moore’s blogiversary)  I enjoyed this very much.  Do you mind if I ask for your email address?

Not at all.  Send me an email and I’ll include it in my reply.

(Margarine and Mother Nature)  Do you have a girlfriend?  

No.  My wife is rather opinionated about who I choose for friends — although she recently decided it’s okay for me to watch football with drunk lesbians.

(Interview on Examiner.com)  Accidental public nudity!

That can be an unfortunate side effect of rapid weight loss.  If you can’t afford tighter pants, I’d suggest investing in some suspenders.  If you can’t afford tighter pants or suspenders, then at least avoid foods that make you sneeze in public.

(Jane Brody’s Cholesterol Headache.)  Thank you so much for sharing this information. Cholesterol is indeed very harmful to the heart. It is the cause of 90% of heart attacks.

You apparently have a near-total inability to comprehend the actual meaning and clear intention of the documents you read.  I suspect you’ll be appointed to the Supreme Court as soon as there’s another vacancy.

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