Another Use For ‘Satisfries’

      19 Comments on Another Use For ‘Satisfries’

Remember when I wrote about Burger King’s new low-fat Satisfries? According to the Write Good! blog, they’re useful for more than just quelling the munchies:

While consumer acceptance of Burger King’s recently introduced “Satisfries” remains tepid, the chain’s new healthy option to conventional french fries is proving to be an excellent building material, especially in the roofing trade.

“These things are nearly indestructible,” said general contractor Jerry “Buck” Yablonski. “They appear to be waterproof, can be heat-welded, and are ideal for creating a mechanically-fastened thermoplastic roof.

You can read more about this alternative use for Satisfries here.



19 thoughts on “Another Use For ‘Satisfries’

  1. Becky

    You’ve unearthed an incipient industry! Using “food” for purposes (heavily value-added, no doubt) not involving ingestion! Invest now, at the beginning of the growth curve!

    And ancestral dieters craving “crispy” can shell out for this wonderful machine. I actually saw it demonstrated at a friend’s home the other night. It works frighteningly well, and just might produce the elusive Paleo sweet potato fries that even home deep frying can’t. Of course, there are the chemicals wafting into your food from the fryer’s non-stick surfaces …|mckv|sSPu1Oulx_dc&pcrid=24578674014|plid|

    1. Chuck

      I saw a commercial for this Airfryer a while ago. My first thought was–I already have one of those….it’s called an OVEN. Anyone who pays $250 for this is a moron. You can buy a nice countertop convection oven for under $100, or a toaster oven for around $30.

  2. Chuck

    I think I will stick with asphalt shingles. In the long run they are probably less toxic to the environment, and I’m concerned about the wildlife that might be tempted to nibble on the Satisfries. LOL

    On a side note, have you seen this commercial yet?
    Getting closer to an over the counter Statin? Ingredients: Vegetable CapsuleHypromellose (capsule), Gellan Gum (gelling agent), Microcrystalline Cellulose (insoluble fiber), Silicone Dioxide (anti-caking agent), Magnesium StearateVegetable (capsule lubricant). Looks like a fancy way to sell you fiber for 50¢ a pill. I read Dr. Eades’ article on fiber. No thanks.

    Unless my ears are deceiving me, that’s the same voice-over artist who explained to us that since saturated fat clogs your sink, it also clogs your arteries. He must be on some cholesterol-hysteria short list.

    1. Kristin

      I suppose the good news about that probiotic is the medical community is finally recognizing the importance of gut flora. I don’t suppose it will collectively extrapolate to the radical idea that it would therefore also be good to not kill it off regularly with antibiotics either cavalierly prescribed or provided in our industrial food chain.

      And it isn’t just ANY good quality probiotic, just this one! Sauerkraut, pickles, kimchee, yogurt and kombucha probably does nothing since there are no clinical tests to prove this…

      I especially liked the part about how this product will reduce absorption of cholesterol from our food. Hilarious. If memory serves I believe we’ve now learned that dietary cholesterol doesn’t really affect serum cholesterol.

      I’m about to go in for the yearly blood test as bribed by my company. It will be the first one since I completely switched over to LCHF so should be sort of interesting. I’ll get my B12 and D tested at the same time so the test might actually be useful for me.

      1. Elle

        No joke – my sister’s boyfriend avoids fermented foods like yogurt, kombucha, ‘kraut, etc because (according to him) he has candida and fermented foods will exacerbate that. So he takes a daily probiotic.

        And finishes his day with a double shot of bourbon. /headdesk

        I don’t even……..

      2. Jill

        Hey Kristin,

        I need to take antibiotics several times a year as I get infections that set off BAD asthma.

        Frankly I’m just glad that since going off wheat, the antibiotics actually WORK!!

  3. Bill C.

    Yum, yum! I can’t wait to get my hands on some of those!
    (I can keep them in my garage in case my roof springs a leak.)

  4. Antonio Maranhao

    Looks like they’re safe to consume. I’m thinking in getting my arteries covered with whatever those “fries” are made to make sure they won’t burst under stress.

    Good idea. Kind of like Teflon.

  5. Michael Hunt III

    That was about as funny as your stand up routine.

    Yeah, it’s a shame I was never good enough to work in clubs or on cruise ships.

    Keep commenting, though. Nothing is as hilarious as a moron who thinks he’s intelligent.

    Oh, and keep commenting under different names, too. You really fooled me with that. It’s not as if I have the brains to notice identical IP addresses or anything.

  6. johnny

    Since the fries are sturdy enough to hold roofing materials, won’t they cause an “evacuation” problem when you eat them?

    I hope to never find out.

  7. Linda

    Evidently, the satisfries aren’t satisfying too many people. I just watched a commercial for them and they are free for the whole weekend without any other purchase. Is Burger King having a hard time moving them? I still am a little afraid to try them, although I might go get some to store away for a future roof leak.

    I predict they’ll follow the McLean burger into oblivion. People don’t go to fast-food restaurants to order low-fat foods.

  8. Christopoll

    Hmm, I wonder what makes them so indestructible. There’s no way it could be all the stuff they put in them, now could it?

    Also I’m pretty sure you’ve seen this, but just in case you haven’t:

    “researchers from the Making Sure Movies Aren’t Stupid department of Sweden’s University of Linkoping tried to replicate Spurlock’s experiment by tasking healthy college students with the challenge of eating 6,000 calories of fast food per day, inadvertently also answering the question “What’s the easiest way to get guinea pigs ever?” At the end of the 30 days, the students had none of the liver or cholesterol troubles Spurlock reported. According to the guy in charge of the experiment (aka an actual scientist, not the guy who created MTV’s I Bet You Will), the students’ metabolism was able to adapt to the extra amount of food they were eating. They did feel more tired, but none of them experienced the mood swings and depression Spurlock claimed to have endured.”

    On the Bodybuilding forums also someone commented on how there was no way Spurlock could’ve been 6’2 190 lbs at 11% Bodyfat. He would’ve looked much bigger muscle-wise.

    I suspect Mr. Spurlock decided his conclusions ahead of time, then made the documentary. Someone involved with his “30 Days” show told me that was the modus operandi for that show as well.

    1. Elle

      ” Someone involved with his “30 Days” show told me that was the modus operandi for that show as well. ”

      No kidding. I saw the episode about 30 days on minimum wage and I think he and his fiance went to the emergency room three times. Once is bad luck (A UTI pretty much needs antibiotics). Three times sounds like they were bound and determined to end up in the hole at the end of the 30 days. (The remaining two times were for swollen wrists and something that needed an ace bandage. Things I would have hoped people would have the common sense to treat at home before going to the ER).

      I didn’t see it, but that sounds like Mr. Spurlock’s style of manipulation. And of course, he was making the point that we need to raise the minimum wage, without bothering to do a little research to see if raising the minimum wage increases the actual purchasing power of minimum-wage employees — which it doesn’t, once prices are raised to reflect the higher cost of labor throughout the economic system.

      1. Nitpickey McNazi O'Nitpick

        If the minimum wage were raised enough to inflate local and/or general prices, those earning minimum wage would still end up with a net win.
        It’s those unskilled workers who get fired as a cost-saving measure that suffer.
        Walter Williams talks a lot about this. Racist South African unions even lobbied to impose a minimum wage on black wrokers as a clever way to make sure blacks wouldn’t get hired for peanuts & wouldn’t gain work experience so all the jobs would go to whites.


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